I Do What I Want
by Ghost Rider of the Aragon
Summary: SPOILERS FOR THOR 2! When Loki comes back to Asgard disguised as the Einherjar guard, he and Odin face off. What choices lead to Loki sitting on the throne at the end of the film? Loki's POV.


The All-father's eyes flit to the floor momentarily as the news of my alleged death sinks in. I search his face for any sign that he might have loved me. Did he? Surely the odd chance at an unlikely treaty was not the only reason he saved me as a child? What I see in his eyes only strengthens my resolve.

_Regret (that I did not play along with his scheming, or that he ever thought to control one such as I?)_

_Disappointment (whether in me or himself, I cannot say. The former is by far the more likely.)_

_Rage (at perhaps losing the most promising pawn he could have possessed?)_

"My Lord?" I question, feeling the bitterness of the title rise in the back of my throat like bile. For as I look into his eyes, I do not see the one thing I look for.

_Love._

The one response I want from him, and I am denied even that. Perhaps if he knew who actually stood before him, and how I came to be there, he might forgive me. But I had given up on that dream the day I let go of the spear.

"How did he die?" Odin asks, his voice sounding more hollow and weak than it did the day I discovered my true heritage.

"By the sword. It appears that he may have died to save your son and the mortal woman." I make sure to say 'mortal' with that disgusted trill that he himself undoubtedly used when the oaf brought her here. Personally, I have no grudge against Thor's lover, save that she was able to change him through deeds and words when I with all my tricks could not.

"One cannot judge by appearances. It may well be that he turned on Thor and was given his just reward."

"Maybe so, my lord, but why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Surely you cannot think he was beyond all hope?" Odin turns around in a huff. Sunset over Asgard is such a wonderful sight, but now it holds no beauty for him.

"Loki was beyond redemption. A mind such as his could never come back from the shadow whence it had retreated."

"You're probably right." I say as I take a step closer. Odin seemed to sense my movement, but did not turn around. "After being lied to all his life, is it really such a wonder that your son turned out the way he did?"

"HE'S NOT MY SON!" Odin whirls around to face me, chest heaving beneath the robe. "He never was."

_It appears we are more alike than he realizes._

I feel tears sting my eyes, hidden by the glamour. I know then what I have to do. There are no guards save myself in disguise, so I am free to do almost anything I please.

_Not that their presence would have stopped me. _

_I do what I want._

I take the old man by the shoulder and within seconds I have overpowered him. His back against the wall, my arm across his throat. He struggles to move me, but I am not stopping now. Almost as if by magic, the dagger appears in my hand. Slowly I allow the vision to dissipate, and I am myself, standing before him.

_For a moment I almost treasure the expression on his time-etched face._

"Loki, this is madness…" I silence him by jamming my elbow into his adam's apple. The look on my face must be most hideous, because I can feel him quaking in fear before my rage.

_Cowardly old man…_

"I know." I say. His face changes from horror to resignation. I hold the dagger under his chin, just barely drawing any blood. Then I change my mind. I don't want him dead, I just want him gone.

I reach into one of the hidden pockets of my outer coat and pull out one of the few anti-matter grenades that I had scavenged from the elven corpses on Svartalfheim. I knock the old man unconscious, and place the grenade in his hand. I activate it and take a good ten steps back. I know firsthand what those things can do, and I have no wish to even come close to that fate again.

Within seconds he is gone, and Gungnir is firmly in my grasp. Slowly, the realization of what I have done washes over me, and I am afraid. Not of what will happen if I am found out, but of what I could possibly become with the power I now hold. All the Nine Realms are my playground, and there is no one to say what I can and cannot do.

I could become the tyrant that I at first set out to be. Or will I become the king that Odin never had the integrity to be?

Do I choose to be better than Odin? Or do I continue to spiral?

I've already seen what lies at the lowest point, the only way out is up. I've seen that the only one who can change your fate is yourself.

Do I stay in the dark? Or do I pull myself into the light?

Either way, I do what I want. And only time will tell.

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**A/N: So...yeah...I bought Thor 2 ad had some issues with my blu-ray player which have since been resolved, and now I present the above fic for your enjoyment. It's the first thing I've written in two months that I actually had confidence in...Please tell me what you think! **


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